Newport, Newport. Twinned with Guangxi Province in China, there's no Province finer...

2 things have made my day today.

The first is the news that Cillit Bang is buying Durex, which instantly led to things like "Bang and the Dirty's done" etc.

The second is this little piece of YouTube Genius. Reminds me of the Goldie Lookin Chain. I loved the Goldie Lookin' Chain. I wonder what they're doing now, maybe they're free to appear at my birthday in a few months time?

There's a lesson in here somewhere

Enter Sandman Faceplant - watch more funny videos

Ink

*Ringing tone Ringing tone*
 "Hello"
"Hello. Is that Mr Shazer?"
"Yes."
"Great. I'd like some new ink please"
"Certainly madame."

Reasons to dislike the internet

Spam like this.
Actually, taking it further back, the internet isn't really to blame. It wasn't the internet that came up with this lame piece of celeb endorsed bitch piss. Maybe Avril can't afford to pay her mortgage or something and her agent suggested this as a money spinner. In which case, Avril, I suggest you start packing your crockery and look to downsize.
Oh, and I use celeb in the very loosest of terms.

No Avril, I don't dare to discover.